It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
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