You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
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