you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
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