I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
Green mimosas i think yes
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
Randomize
