Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
Randomize
