Yo dont text me then not text me
I can text with my tongue
is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
Randomize