'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
