Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
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