return my video game
Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
Randomize
