i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
I got inside last night via doggy door
Can't talk, ducks in the car
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
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