He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
Randomize