I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
Randomize
