I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
Never let your siblings swipe right.
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
True college students do jello shots in the library
Randomize
