barbara walters just said penis...
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
Walking in on a gay threesome, with a girl in the corner watching and taking vid is a reason to not only knock, but to never go to Savannah.
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
Randomize
