East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
She swung at the pinata with crutches
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
Randomize
