are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
Randomize
