Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
Randomize
