I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
Randomize
