I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
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