And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
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