why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
As shirtless as possible
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
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