Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
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