Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
He keeps bees of course he's weird
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
Randomize
