Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
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