were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
Randomize
