My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
Randomize