Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
You were right. It hurts to walk today.
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
Randomize
