So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
Randomize
