WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
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