nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
What happened to fro yo and sex?
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
Randomize
