3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
Randomize
