He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
Randomize
