he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
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