I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
is it wrong to smoke out middle schoolers?
yes...dear jesus what did you do?
bwahaha. ask your little brother in about 20 minutes. im dropping him off.
Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
Randomize
