so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
