"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
Randomize
