I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
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