So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
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