I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
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