porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
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