What did we do last night that was yellow?
i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
Randomize
