you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
Randomize
