Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
Randomize
