the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
Randomize
