I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
Randomize
