I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
i need to put some appletini on your dick
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
Randomize
