woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
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