We need to rekindle our bromance
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
I feel like a drive thru vagina
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
tell me about the eggs
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
Randomize
