im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
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