THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
I think my nap took me to another dimension
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
Randomize
