I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
Randomize
