I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
Randomize
