His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Randomize
