Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
Need sex. Gaining weight.
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
Randomize
