Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
It was like getting head from an anaconda
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
Randomize
