I could have mohawked her pubes.
He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
Randomize
