Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
Randomize
