I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
Randomize
