Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
Randomize
