I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
Randomize
