He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
Randomize
