There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
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