I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
